you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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