I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My sheets look like a crime scene.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
