I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
