well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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