We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
