I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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