I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
please come you make the beer taste better
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
