We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
