She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
