i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
