Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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