I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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