so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
