is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
