The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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