So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So squirting runs in the family.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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