worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
