so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need to calm my uterus...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
