just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i already hear my dad disowning me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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