don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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