just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
