my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need moral support for this bender
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
