hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
