Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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