i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
