...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I will be naked everywhere
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
