found the other keg... it's in the tree
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
