I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
