and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
