I will die if light touches me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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