Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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