A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
