At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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