I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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