I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
