I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
