Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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