Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
