I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
