my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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