Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
