What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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