I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
