i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
