I will die if light touches me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
