Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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