i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
