His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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