drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
