I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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