Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
