Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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