The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
