She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
