arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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