No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just google imaged poop.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
