no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
