come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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