I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
