it hurts more in the daytime
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
