Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
