i was born a porn star she said
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
