Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
