This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
