Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
