I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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