I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
