All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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